Many of us have heard the sayings “it’s not you its me” or “you’re perfect, but it’s just not the right time for me”. Back in October I broke up with my now ex-boyfriend, C, and I believed at the time that I did it to spare his feelings. I felt that if I break up with C then, instead of right before I leave for studying abroad it would be an easier transition before I left. C and I have always talked about getting married, our lives, and ultimately being together in the end.

I was confused as to why I was in such a serious relationship at 19 years old in college. I felt that I should be able to go out and “live it up” and not feel bad for it. So, I made the decision to separate from C, because I thought that the timing wasn’t right and that if our relationship was meant to work out in the end then it will.

Recently, the wheels have been spinning over and over again about all the stuff I said months ago. I now believe that what I had said was my way of convincing myself that what I was doing was for the better. When in reality I selfishly only wanted to go out downtown, single, and would not have to reap the consequences of my actions.

Sometimes the different paths I could have taken cross my mind. The first being that if I had stayed home maybe would we still be together, but I would never stay back unless the relationship was at a very very very serious state. The other being that maybe we should have just stayed long distance considering that we were already doing it. I have constantly been asking myself: am I being selfish or is timing really everything?